Absalom: Just Hangin' 'bout
2 Samuel 13-18
We continue our recap of our Morning Prayer lessons from 2 Samuel. This week features the sad tale of Tamar, the tragic response of Absalom, and the fecklessness of David.
Chapter 13
Previously, we said that evil would visit David’s house; well, here it comes. David has some grown kids by this point: Amnon, his oldest son, born to Ahinoam (the woman he married right before Abigail, but after Michal); and Absalom, his third oldest son, born to Maacah—the daughter of Talmai, King of Geshur—who also bore a daughter, Tamar.
There’s no way to put this delicately: Amnon lusted after his half-sister, Tamar, and he didn’t take no for an answer.
Tamar hid herself in shame. David found out and was distressed, but didn’t do anything; Absalom, on the other hand, waited for his moment to strike. Two years he waited, inviting all his brothers, including Amnon, to a party; but when they got there, Absalom’s men killed Amnon. Then Absalom fled the country.
Chapter 14
With Absalom in the wind, Joab becomes concerned that he could pose a threat to the throne. Seeing the success that Nathan had coming before King David with a parable, he hatches a plan and recruits a woman from Tekoa (not a Toyota pickup, nor a planet from Star Wars; that would be Takodana. Tekoa was a village about 10 miles north of Jerusalem) to come and give a little performance. She comes before David with a sad tale. Her son has murdered his brother after quarreling in the field (shades of Cain and Abel), and now the rest of the family wants the murderer dead; but, even though what he did was wrong, he’s still her son and she wants the King to ensure that no harm will come to him. David agrees that the son will not be killed, and that’s when the woman twists the story, telling him that he should do the same for his own son, Absalom.
David immediately cottons to the fact that Joab had been the one to put words into the woman’s mouth, but he nevertheless allows Absalom to come home.
Now an important detail about Absalom is that he was quite the looker with a beautiful head of hair (I hate him). He also had some kids, including a daughter he named Tamar, after his sister.
Now Absalom had been back in Jerusalem two years, but hadn’t been allowed in his father’s presence. So, Absalom appealed to Joab, but he too ghosted him. Not being the best at impulse control, Absalom had Joab’s lands put to the torch. When Joab showed up to see what the problem was, Absalom asked if he’d intreat the king, which he did. Then, Absalom was allowed to see the king, who gave him a royal kiss. But all was not well, as we shall soon see.
Chapter 15
While David did who knows what, shut up in his palace, Absalom started to flaunt about the city, riding around in a flashy chariot, just as a king would do. Then he’d hang out at the gates of the city, and he’d bend the ear of all those who were on their way to seek a judgment from the king, telling them how if he were king, he’d definitely rule in their favor.
Then Absalom made for Hebron, David’s first capital, and declared himself king. David finally gets off his duff and rallies his loyal troops, but they are far outnumbered by Absalom’s forces. So, David abandons the city, leaving with his most loyal troops—the Cherethites, Pelethites, and Githites—those Philistine warriors who had been with him since his sojourn in Gath. He even commands that the Ark of the Covenant be left in the city, for if it be God’s will, he would see it in its abode once more.
Trusting in God’s will is one thing, but participating in it is even better. So when David learns that one of his most trusted advisors, Ahitophel, has sided with Absalom, he instructs Hushai to remain in the city and offer his loyalty to Absalom, but to secretly thwart him at every turn.
Chapter 16
Remember Mephibosheth, Jonathan’s son? The one to whom all was given of the house of Saul, and who ate at the king’s table? Well, evidently, he got misplaced in David’s haste to flee the city; so when the king drew near to his lands, his servant, Ziba, came out to greet the king with livestock and foodstuffs, with a story that Mephibosheth had gone over to Absalom’s side. David immediately granted Ziba all that was Mephibosheth’s, and traveled on.
Then, he encountered Shimei, who hurled stones and insults at the king (which always reminds me of this lady from The Princess Bride), but David passes on, knowing he kind of deserves it.
Meanwhile, back at the castle, Hushai convinces Absalom of his trustworthiness. Absalom can’t believe his luck! Two of his pop’s top advisors, Ahitophel and Hushai! Also thrown into the bargain: all his dad’s concubines!
Chapter 17
The problem with two advisors is that you’re likely to get two different sets of advice, especially if one is secretly working for your enemy. Ahithophel councils Absalom to strike while the iron's hot (as General Patton said, “A good solution applied with vigor now is better than a perfect solution applied ten minutes later”). David and his men are no spring chickens: they’ve gotten fat and happy in the palace, and now that they’re on the run, let me, Ahithophel, ride out and catch them while they’re camped somewhere, and settle this all right now.
Absalom stroked his chin, nodded, and then looked to Hushai and asked for his thoughts. Hushai first notes the bravery of Absalom and his troops, but he cautions him that this is David we’re talking about, for goodness’ sake! He’s not going to be camped out in some glade, making for easy pickings. He’s going to be holed up in some cave or hidey-hole, and when you encounter him, he and his men will fight like a baited bear. He’s “got friends in every town and village from here to the Sudan; he speaks a dozen languages, knows every local custom; he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again.”
Absalom takes Hushai’s advice, who, when he leaves his presence, I imagine him doing that finger in the collar tug. He quickly makes his way to Abiathar and Zadok, the priests who were still loyal to David, although they were concerned that Absalom might change his mind. So they sent word through a slave girl, who then went to a village to the East where Jonathan (son of Abiathar) and Ahimaaz (son of Zadok) were stationed, ready to convey info back to David.
But wait! Someone saw them and informed Absalom. So he sent out some rough types to find the two spies, but they hid in a covered water well and managed to get word to David.
When Ahithophel found out his advice was ignored in favor of Hushai’s, he went all Shakespearian and killed himself.
Chapter 18
It’s time for a battle. Absalom’s forces are commanded by Amasa, which means that with David’s forces under Joab, both commanders are first cousins and David’s nephews. David intends to ride out with his troops, but his troops say that if they were to flee, Absalom would pay them no mind; but if David was in the battle, there would be no quarter given until the king was dead. David relents, and sadly watches his valiant men go to battle in his name, hopeful that they might find a way to “deal gently” with Absalom.
But, alas, it’s not to be. Remember Absalom’s hair? Well, it proved to be his undoing. His forces had their rumps handed to them, and, as he fled, his hair got caught in a terebinth tree, his mule riding on without him.
One of David’s troops informed Joab that he’d seen Absalom twisting in the wind. Joab asked him, “Why didn’t you kill him?” The man, probably aware of the stories of David executing guys who did such things, pointed out to Joab that the King didn’t want any harm to come to Absalom, if it could be helped. Joab, always a practical (if heartless) man, went with some select troops and finished off the job.